(Make sure you read Sacrifice of Thanksgiving first)
Yesterday as I wrote about “sacrifice of thanksgiving”, I was very pleased with what I was writing. It is right. It is true. I knew it was key to moving past the divorce.
Until I got to the end. As I wrote the end, as I said in my heart, Thank You Jesus, I suddenly saw what was missing from the equation. And I was no longer pleased. At all. And without that missing piece I could not say thank you.
What was missing, was forgiveness.
I would think I would have that lesson down (that sounds familiar). After all, I managed to forgive my abuser many years ago. This divorce wasn’t in the same category as sexual abuse for a child. Right?
But here’s the deal. That man is long dead. I never have to see him again, I never have to deal with him again, he is gone. My ex – he is alive and well. His name is on the child support check, I will see him at kids’ functions, he is the father of my children, I still run into people that don’t know he left. I cannot get away from any of that. And I resent it. Every instance flashes anger or depression across my world. It is not enough to thank God for my kids and my life when I hold my ex in judgement.
So, amidst tears of anger and frustration and bitterness (the one thing I prayed from the beginning that I would not be) I submitted to God. I forgave Wesley. I listed very specific things, and very general things, and I let them all go. Because God asks me to. Because God has forgiven me. Because I trust God, and I trust His plan.
Forgiveness was my sacrifice of thanksgiving on the day before Easter,
I cannot truly be thankful holding this against him.
Forgiveness is performing my vows
Submitting to God
Forgiveness is me calling upon God in my day of trouble
asking for strength to do the impossible
asking for peace with Him
Forgiveness is God delivering me
Forgiveness is me glorifying God
Forgiveness is the right order of my way
Forgiveness is my salvation
Forgiveness is rejoicing in my suffering
Forgiveness is leaving Wesley in God’s hands
and getting on with my life
my good life
the life God has planned for me
a life that glorifies God
a life that has been cut loose to serve God freely
Forgiveness is peace.
And then I got up this Easter morning and had to say it all over again. I suspect that will happen a lot of days. Thank God, forgive Wesley, thank God. Not for his sake. Not because I want to, it is hard for me. But for the sake of Christ, who has forgiven me.