Another mystical moment – and no, I don’t live by mystical moments. This experience from early August is what made me re-post The Beast from 2008 a few weeks ago. The Beast was a vision about my own sin nature, this one is a vision about God:
I had what I can only describe as a vision. I was sitting on my deck early on Thursday morning with my cup of tea, Bible, and journal. I was contemplating a couple of profound moments that had impressed themselves upon me the previous evening. One was very simple and ordinary – a smile in the eyes of a friend. The other was a bit less common – an older friend talking about his wife of 61 years, now deceased. His heart came through in his voice, just like my other friend’s heart showed in his eyes, and both moments lingered pleasantly in my mind. As I remembered these two events, I was suddenly swept away.
For a brief moment of eternity I was caught up in a vision. It might have been a second, or an hour. I have tried to describe the experience here, but words cannot even begin to capture it.
God’s Steadfast Love is an ocean of light that I rest in.
I swim in the golden light of God’s Steadfast Love. It soaks into my soul as I breath it in. This Love is not an emotion, it is the Reality that emotion longs to be. As I rest in this ocean of Love I see flashes of my entire life in an instant – images of people I have known exhibiting God’s love. I am astonished at these glimpses of God’s Steadfast Love embedded throughout my life. I had lived each memory without understanding the magnitude or the depth or the quality of what was there, with no idea how profound those moments were. What I see is Real Reality, True Truth, tangible Steadfast Love that comes only from God. It transcends emotion and time and the struggles of this life.
God’s Steadfast Love is an ocean of Light that I rest in.
As I contemplate this experience, the implications become more and more profound. I have lived in the Psalms for many years. I have believed what I read about God’s Steadfast Love for years. But now as those verses come to mind, I feel the truth of them in my very being; it has gone from head knowledge that I read about and believed, to heart knowledge that I have breathed in. In God I live and move and have my being; like a fish breathes and swims in water, I breath and move in God’s Love.
Love is not an emotion – it is not an emotion, but in this vision I felt Love. God’s Love flowing around me and in me and through me. Even though it was my life I was seeing, very little of it was about me. What I saw was the love between friends and the love between spouses, some of them very difficult people to love, and I realize now that love was only possible because of God’s Love flowing through them.
I can suddenly see a stark difference between Love and lust. I know, the difference should be obvious to anyone. But as a child exposed to lust at an early age, it has not been obvious to me. I suspect that as society has become increasingly sexual in nature, I am not the only person who can’t see the clear dividing line and doesn’t realize how confused they are. Lust is an insatiable hunger that takes over and places its own desires above everything else. Lust only gives in order to take what it craves. Not just abuse, but pornography and casual hooking up do violence to love, and even to sex. Two people “in lust” may seem to be giving to each other, but in reality they are taking from each other. And lust is not just about sex, it’s about all kinds of selfish desires.
Love does not take, it gives. Read that again. Love does not take, it gives. It gives what is best for the other person in the long run, not necessarily what either party wants right now.
Look for True Truth. Look for Steadfast Love. Don’t settle for temporary lust. There is so much more, and you will not find it inside yourself. I know myself too well and I have failed too often. This past month I have been tossed back and forth by raging emotions; I feel like I have come through some sort of storm. Fear, anger, grief, hurt, loneliness – with occasional lightning flashes of insight such as this vision of love. There is True Truth and Steadfast Love which can only be found in God’s Word… and that, not what comes from inside me (emotional storms and The Beast), is what has kept me sane and pointed in the right direction, and given me peace and joy that is inexplicable.
I wonder why God shows me these things when all I bring to the table is brokenness. It may be because in my brokenness there is no other way I could understand. It may have been in preparation for the month of emotional chaos that followed. It is great a gift that I have continued to seek God in my turmoil. I pray that you will seek Him too.
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Psalm 144:2 … He [The LORD] is my Steadfast Love…
Acts 17:28 ‘In him we live and move and have our being’
“Steadfast love” occurs 127 times in the book of Psalms. Read it all. One Psalm each day is not too much to handle.
©Rebecca A Givens 9/4/17